I spoke with the other mom. I was clear about my goals - I was careful not to spew accusations.
J sort of changed the landscape, because at school today - she got up the guts to say “I don’t want to be your BFF anymore.”
The reaction was tearful silence.
instead of calling the mom to say “your daughter is mean to my daughter” I had to call and say “I think my daughter hurt your daughter’s feelings.”
I tried to explain my hopes that our involvement - as loving and involved parents - can prevent our children from devolving into she-devils.
I think I’m optimistic.
I made it clear that if I am 100% wrong (I don’t think I am, and as of right now, either does the other mom) and my daughter is actually a meany-butt, I want to know, and I will deal with it. I received similar promises in exchange.
I plan to organize a group outing for Saturday - several girls - including J and the ex-BFF - to go to the pool or to a movie or something.
I have to believe that kids are not evil, and that with a little support and encouragement, and a little bit of reinforcement that we are good people - we respect each other - they will follow suit. They can watch their mothers talk, and they can watch us push aside our instincts - not our good instincts, but our mean-nasty-rip-her-throat-out-instincts — they can, too. They can take deep breaths and realize that compromise and cooperation serve our interests more than do domination and castration.
Oh wait - we’re girls.
We can’t be castrated.
But whatever.
I want a KIND child. I want a respectful child.
But a kind, respectful child who is no-one’s doormat.
——————————————————-
(and certainly not the doormat of her nasty-ass politician husband - Jesus, Sue - did you have to be so damned inflammatory?)
Eve’s class is going through this.
Three of us Mothers sat down with our daughters and some of what was said includes.
“You may not exclude other girls”
“You may not be THAT child”
“Mean bullies will not live in my home”
But then our girls have one class per grade through 5th grade so the options are limited. We’ve spoken with the teachers and it seems to be working bit by bit.
Every day is a little easier, my daughter was torn between two groups.
Oh, it’s so painful.
And, yes, I did have to be so inflammatory. It got you thinking, didn’t it?
Also, check out Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads. I remember reading it a few years ago and gaining some interesting insights.
My teenage years were mostly at boarding schools so a lot of this bizarro behavior is very new to me.
FYI I still adore you…. even if you wouldn’t stand with him.
No dear, you didn’t get me thinking. I’d thought it all and ranted about it all LAST week. I didn’t have the energy to blog it, though, so relished the opportunity to put my thoughts out into the internets
By “you” I meant a more global you