What Happened to the Summer

I had a very hard time, back in March, getting the Ex to commit to summer dates. He kept saying his employment was up in the air, and what happened there would affect when his summer ended (he’s a professor). I may or may not have conveyed sympathy for his relative lack of stability, and told him that quite frankly, I did not care. I needed to enroll the girls for day camps during the weeks that they were with Beloved and I, and things fill up fast. I asked him several times about his latest-possible and earliest-possible dates - knowing that I could probably play with vacation time for myself and that Beloved could arrange his school work for the times that we were up in the air.

I harassed Ex so very much (not wanting to pay $500/week for camps that the girls wouldn’t attend), that he eventually said “okay, these dates will likely work no matter where I am living and teaching, go ahead and make the plans, and we’ll work around it.”

So I did.

Then, as we’re sitting in our seats at the girls’ play, waiting for the rest of the audience to file in, he turns to me and says, “By the way, remember that mythical cruise my mother’s been yammering about for the past 5 years? Well, she bought tickets, and they’re [the week the girls were due to first be home; the week that E was going to be attending a pretty cool and local nature day-camp for older kids, and the very beginning of the week that I was going to take vacation and Beloved and I were going to go on vacation with them.]”

I was really mad. I am mad that his mother would buy my daughters tickets without talking to me first. I have custody. He does not. He has visitation rights, but he’s not their primary parent, and she does NOT have the right to make plans for them without my consent - or at least consultation. Now that’s just my indignation at her presumptuousness, and I know that. There’s nothing HARMFUL about the girls going on a vacation with her and her family (it is a large family trip, with all of her kids and grandkids - including her daughter who is in Iraq right now). But because we made other plans, it causes a conflict. And that’s why I need to be spoken to first.

The Ex assured me it was HIS fault, not his mother’s, and convinced me not to send her a warning e-mail about the fact that if this EVER happens again, she will be met with a refusal of the girls’ time.

Although, I would never do that unless a true conflict existed. Because I pride myself in being a civil person, and a respectful person - not a spiteful or hateful person.

And the reality here is that I was about to, but did not yet, put down a deposit on the cool camp. We just received a notice for it last week, and I had that day been looking to see if it was full. And the other reality is that our move and our furniture and my desire for a car will all get in the way of a week at a cabin in Maine.

So yeah, they can go on the cruise.

God knows they won’t ever go on a cruise with me. Because I think of cruises as quite tacky, and quite the hellacious experience for someone with my tastes, desires and allergies to the sun.

But the other problem was that it is the week AFTER they’re due to come home.

Let’s all remember that they don’t even want to GO to his house. When J realized that this added a week onto her time away from home (making it 7 weeks, which is longer than it’s been in a long time - the last few summers have been 5 weeks long), she was miserable. Just miserable. Sobbing. Refusing to get on the plane.

I started to look at other options - could they go later? Uh, no. Beloved is leaving for school a couple days after the girls leave, and I can’t take that week off from work. Even day camp won’t cover things as much as I need them covered due to a trip planned. Also, the longer they stay, the more they ahve to put up with the moving process all day every day. Then I looked at them coming home for a little while in the MIDDLE of their time with him. But the increase in costs was pretty huge. Extra plane tickets, extra day camps (or a shift in vacation time that creates problems at the end of the summer).

Then J realized her baby cousins would be on the cruise with her, and she said “oh, well, then, that won’t be that bad.”

Honestly, I don’t think it will be that bad. They both agreed to the 6 week summer this year, and this added vacation week will not be an extra week of the same. It requires travel from the Ex’s state to his mother’s state, reunion with cousins and aunts and uncles, and a (hopefully) fun vacation.

Further cementing my decision not to make large changes in the plan is the fact that the Ex is still unsure of what’s happening with his job. If he changes jobs, he can’t go on the vacation, and the girls may not either. If that is what happens - he won’t agree to a 4 week summer, and we’ll be changing plans all back and forth 1,000,000 times.

This is my plan thus far: Keep their travel dates as planned. If they have a very hard time, Beloved and I will plan a long weekend to the Middle of the Country to visit them.

I resent the changes.