This is becoming a familiar feeling.
Where I avoid the news – paper, broadcast, internet – all damned day. I do it purposefully. If I accidentally click on my usual news sites, I quickly steer away. If a blogger I enjoy dares speak of the AVOIDED, I again, click away.
Even when 70% of the stories ask if it was “soon enough” or whether the lead was anything more than negligible. Even if they trash her for her negativity and her attempts at re-writing the rules:
I.
DO.
NOT.
WANT.
TO.
HEAR.
IT.
I don’t even know that I can put my finger on why.
Perhaps it’s because I can’t put my finger on WHY Hillary won’t just fucking crash & burn. I don’t understand why people like her. Why they vote for her despite her shittiness – the way she comports herself, the bullshit “misstatements” that she makes, her quasi-republicanism, her negativity, her miscategorizations.
Maybe I am just unhappy. Unhappy to think that it’s true that a Black Man still can’t be president in this country. (And yes, I fully believe that a very large part of the results in Pennsylvania are due to racism. The polls that I heard a week ago and two weeks ago were very racist, and very clear that the “rural” residents of the state would NOT vote for an African-American.) And that a member of his own party will exploit this fact. Will revel in it.
Maybe I am unhappy because once again, I am apparently worlds away from the vibe of this country.
I don’t want to let go of the hopefulness that something different could happen NOW. In the wake of the crap that we’ve been handed over the past 8 years. But not only does Hillary’s apparent semi-popularity dash my hopefulness — so does Obama’s lack of remarkability in the past weeks. I am not sure I would go so far as to say he was unfaithful to the image I had at the start – the promise he offered and reinforced with his outstanding speech on race – but he’s stopped being remarkable.
I want remarkable.
I still see no sign that if he makes it to the white house, we will have more of the same.
You know,
Bush – Clinton – Bush – Clinton
BARF.
I know that the actual numbers make the pattern hugely unlikely. But I wanted him to blaze through. I wanted for us all to stand up and clap and shout as he made his way. I didn’t want us to be clamouring for public perception and crossing our fingers that her bullying doesn’t work.
So I’m squirming. But I’m squirming while I continue to donate, and while waiting for the discomfort to go away so I can start to hope again.
I am sooooo right there with you. And you know, before this primary, I wasn’t anti-Hillary at all. At the beginning, by supporting Obama I was supporting the candidate I felt most represented my viewpoints as a liberal, but still felt that if Hillary took the nomination, I would support her just as whole-heartedly. Now I just wish she’d go the hell away. I’m not even sure I will vote for her if she takes the nomination, whether I dislike her or McCain more. I want to finally vote for a candidate I believe in, not the candidate I hate the least. Stupid Hillary, go away.
I’m with you. I just want someone to wake me up after Obama has been sworn in already.
Yeah, over the past few months I’ve managed to become disgruntled with all three candidates. I’m in a lose/lose/lose mode, and ready for this election to be over so we can gear up for the next one.