Beloved is in graduate school. He attends a pretty cool low-residency program in Vermont specializing in children’s literature. He’s doing really well, and is accomplishing VERY long-standing goals. However, we (you may have noticed) do not live in Vermont.
Because it is low-residency, he only has to attend school twice a year, for 10 days. January and July.
Last January, I was such a baby-lawyer, I could barely open my eyes. I was a little busy, and it made me nervous when he was gone. What if something comes up? What if I get a new assignment? But it was fine, and I think I left at 4:30 every day.
Last July – the girls were in the Middle of the Country with the Ex, and Beloved and I had already started our moving process. There were no difficulties.
This January – total different picture.
I’m fully engaged in a case that is culminating this month in every way. Discovery is closing, summary judgment is being filed, experts are being hired, court hearings are happening. It’s insane. INSANE. And I’m heavily involved in every aspect of it.
I was already nervous – that getting out of work at a reasonable hour was going to be difficult. Of all months, this is the one where deadlines happen. I was nervous.
Then, ha ha! What made me think I knew what nervous was?
It looks like I have the great honor of traveling to a very different part of the country to tend to one of the many aspects of the case that is my Life, even though it’s a bit beyond my seniority level. It just so happens to be during Beloved’s absence (and over days that are (a) a national holiday, and (b) inauguration day. Feh.)
At first, it looked like it was just one day, and it was a day that was a school holiday, so I knew that the kids would be fine with friends. Then it ended up two days, and two long days – long enough that once you add in travel, it may affect 4 days. Yikes. Beloved’s only gone for 10 days — I’m having issues for HALF of them? Unbelievable.
I was going to post about how my decision to make my community one of my many priorities with my time becomes oh-so-valuable in times of need. I have friends that I can ask for a hand – friends who I’ve given a hand to in the past, and who know that I’m an active and engaged member of our community.
But now, it seems like my needs are too big, and instead, I’m turning to family. I’ve begged my mother to (re)arrange her work schedule so she can come while I’m gone.
E is mad at me – she overheard me talking to a friend who is my back-up plan, and insists that I hadn’t told her the whole story about next week before telling the friend. She is mad about the options I have considered for her while I’m gone. Some friends are out of favor, and others are just plain old “annoying.” Humorously, she thinks she should be left home alone.
It was hard not to laugh at that one.
All in all, the stress levels are high. I keep thinking about how, in the past, I’ve looked forward to certain things – or dreaded them – and then they happen. And before I know it, it’s behind me.
I keep telling myself … it will be January 22nd before I know it. Beloved will be home, and this difficult time will have passed. i have a lot of friends. I am very lucky. The girls are well-loved, and people are happy to be supportive. We live in an awesome community, where people are nearby and hyper-willing.
It will be okay.
And I will miss my Beloved.
And I am sad that I should be more supportive, and excited with him about his exciting time, and instead, I’m kinda on the verge of tears over my own stress and fears. He gives so much, and deserves better.