As I come into this new phase of my life, I am finding that there are things I must give up.
I don’t need that much. I am perfectly capable of sleeping past 10 a.m. on the weekends, but that messes me up and makes me an insomniac on Sunday nights – during the week, I typically wake around 6 a.m. (and that may go earlier) and despite that, I can never get into bed before midnight. Perhaps, if I’m not feeling well, I will have one night where I get into the bed at 9. Perhaps. If I’m not feeling well. Maybe.
And I’m fine. So, who cares.
Right now it’s looking like …
This is not a hard one thus far. I missed all the season premiers last week, and I sort of could care less.
Last year I watched a lot of shows. I had a corner of my brain which was disappointed in itself, because there were years in my past where I watched a lot of television, and when life forced me to cut myself off, I felt great. So why was I moving backward?
I was watching: Grey’s Anatomy, 24, Heroes (when 24 came on opposite Heroes in January, I gave up Heroes, but recently downloaded the rest of last season’s onto my iPod, and find it a decent entertainment option while exercising), Studio 60, Lost (doesn’t start until January, and I think it may be the one I hold onto), and for the time that it lasted – American Idol.
It ended up quite a commitment.
Now I’m watching, uh, nothing. And I don’t care. I don’t have the energy for it – to care about it. I don’t feel that it has a place within my priorities.
Not to mention the fact that one day, perhaps one summer while the girls are gone and Beloved’s on a publicity tour, I can rent the damned shows on DVD, or I can download them, and catch up – if I want to. Which I may not.
But then there’s …
I don’t want to give this up. Anyone who reads this blog has heard ad nauseum how I’ve lost 30-something pounds (34?) and I’m sorry to say – I would happily lose another 20. I can’t believe I had gotten that far beyond where I wanted to be. I’m quite happy with where I am right now, so if I don’t lose another 20, I’m not going to stress. I know I’m not perfect, but I don’t feel that I owe myself – or those around me – perfect. I am within normal size ranges, I am healthy, I am active. I feel attractive.
But I could lose that other 20.
And if I don’t keep moving, I could also gain some of my 30-something back.
That would be unacceptable to me.
I plan to be a little slow at work for the next ____ months as I get my sea legs on and the new class fully integrates with the others. I don’t really have to worry about billable hours for a couple of months (that starts in December).
I’m hoping to use this slight reprieve to check out the gym in the building. To toy with arriving at my gym at an earlier hour, before work (likely not gonna happen). I would like to find a way to build the exercise into my routine.
The more I exercise, the more sleep I can give up.
But how do you exercise from work? Because I was thinking it would work for me to work for a few hours. Say, from 7 to 11. Then go down to the gym and spend an hour or so sweating.
Then shower again? Or do I not shower at 5:30 at home? If I shower twice a day, will I be okay? Will my skin scale off? Will my hair turn brittle and break off at the scalp?
See, I just don’t know how it’s going to work.
But I believe I will use this week to figure it all out, logistics-wise (I’ll figure out whether or not I physically have time in the day later, when my workload is up and running).
If I can’t make it work, then I suppose I’ll have to go back to the idea of going to my gym here near home when it opens at 5 a.m., shower there, and then leave my gym bag in my locker all day while I traipse off to work.
Either way, I need to find a solution. One that continues to work with my over all plan of being a full time attorney and being present in my kids’ lives.
Y’all can stop laughing now.