Usually my weekends are full of blogging. I can finally stop and breathe – spend a little time on my couch ruminating. Or a lot of time.
Not so much this time of year.
I’m running around like mad, attending events, preparing myself and my family for said events, buying things for the events, helping out with the events and on and on and on, really.
Yesterday was my first Bat Mitzvah, and it was a very. full. day. I just can’t imagine what it is like to be a member of a thriving synagogue, where these events happen every weekend!!
The service was at 10:15; ended at 12:15. The luncheon followed immediately, and was scheduled to end by 1:30, but people weren’t cleared out until 2. I knew, because I was the last to leave – other than the mom of the honored girl.
I left at 4:30.
I helped set up for the party. Then, when I had to cry uncle, so I could get home, I instead went and bought a gift for the child, which I had neglected to do until them. Damned my status as a working mother who dared to have 2 birthdays, a work party, a book group meeting and a kid who had her first dance all in the week prior to the Bat Mitzvah!
I got home at 5:30 just to jump in the shower and bitch* my way through getting my family out the door … which we did 30 minutes late.
The party was crazy fun. My girls barely sat down all night – they danced like a couple of fools. They even dragged Beloved and I out onto the dance floor a couple of times.
During the party, I was jealous of the culture. Not the religion, but the culture. I was jealous of the dancing and the clapping and the songs. These things that the adults had been doing since they were in their parents arms, and which were natural and fun – which they associated with parties and smiles.
But earlier in the day, when I was asked point-blank “don’t you wish you were Jewish?” I could only stammer “the service was lovely.” If I’d been able to gather my thoughts better, I would have said, “no, but I do wish I could speak Hebrew.” Because the sounds were nice. The writing is pretty.
But the prayer book included translations, and I believed not a word of it.
Like, not even one.
I guess I was a little surprised how similar it was to the things I had been exposed to in my younger years. I have been educated more and more on the Jewish faith over the past few years, while living in a largely Jewish community, and was led to believe that the two faiths were worlds apart. I mean, I was told they don’t believe in SIN!! How can you have a religion without SIN? Doesn’t sin=religion?
But nah. The words in that book weren’t so different. All the almighty-ness, and one-ness, and power, and source of all life and on and on and on.
___________________________
I also wondered, while sitting in the service, whether my kids were feeling a hole in their life. They watched their friend exhibit the fruits of months and months of study, practice and meditation. Clearly, this 13 year old girl had some level of belief in all she was saying and doing. Yet my daughters sat there watching without any corresponding dedication or belief system.
J sat between Beloved and I, and for most of the two hours, she was rigid, if not trembling. She seemed so uncomfortable.
It was hard to translate.
I spoke with E today during our day together (post hopefully forthcoming) about the service and the experience. She had sat with friends, but only a couple rows in front of me. I know she was engaged in the service, and I know she read along in all the books, and I know that she didn’t talk to her friends ONE TIME in two hours (man, was I proud).
She said she did not feel at all jealous, and was not interesting in exploring whether there was a religious community which she would be comfortable within. She listened to me (eyes rolling) about how I felt some jealousy about the shared culture, the passing down of FUN from generation to generation. I told her how I still feel so self-conscious in my body – in dancing, in sports – and that I wondered if I grew up dancing at parties with my family if I’d have more freedom. She said she didn’t think that the religion had anything to do with it, and she doesn’t want to go to a church.
We also sat with 100% Jewish couples at lunch and dinner, and I noticed how quickly there was community based on the shared faith. Not to mention the built-in community within the congregation.
Of that, of the community, I was a little jealous.
But I can’t do it – not based on religion.
I have a (non-Jewish) friend who is a member of a Unitarian church (or is it Universalist?), where they celebrate and embrace everything.
I can’t do that, either.
I can’t say, “the pagans have it right!” and “The Jews have it right!” and “The Catholics have it right!” and run around hugging everyone for their rightness.
Isn’t there a church where people get together and talk about how bogus all the various faiths are?
Or where people get together and talk about how cool storms are?
Or about how Hilary Clinton is George Bush with a vagina? And perhaps a few more brain cells? Like 2 more? Or 4.
How about the cool-ness of the daemons in the His Dark Materials series?
Can we talk about what it’s like to watch our kids grow up?
Why does it have to be about god? and the absoluteness of the truth of our ideas?
Well, other than the absolute truth that Hilary is a butthead.
The answer is no. I don’t wish I were Jewish.
I do wish that dancing was fun for me. And I do wish I could make cool noises in the back of my throat.
That’s where it ends.
I did have a great day, and thought the party was fantastic, and I’m happy for my friends that their daughter’s day was as wonderful as they had hoped it would be. I’m glad I was able to help, and I’m glad that we were included on her special day. It was an honor.
* So, sue me. I’m bleeding to death, I’m tired, I have a lot to do, and all I want to do is rest. Instead, it’s go-go-go. Yes, I was bitchy as a result. I tried to make good. I tried to be up front about my stress level and exhaustion level. I tried to apologize when necessary (often). But I’m not perfect. (Understatement of the year).
Balance of Power 
Maybe you guys need to join the scouts or something (although I hear they’re religious-based?!?) Or a mother/daughter book club? I don’t know. I went to a ton of Bat and Bar Mitzvahs when I was 13 and then had a ton of questions about heaven and hell for my parents. I was firmly in the clutches of various bible camps during those years and I’m kind of a literal person. They told me the only path to Heaven was through Jesus. So when my lovely Jewish friend asked me point blank if she was going to Heaven, I stupidly thought “A + B = C” and said, “I guess not.” Then her parents called and screamed at their daughter’s horrible anti-semitic friend and my mother had to explain that the Jew’s were God’s chosen people and therefore didn’t have to believe in Jesus.
And, as you can imagine, that was the beginning of the end of church attendance for me. I love the ritual and community of the Episcopal Church and I believe there’s a God or some sort of spiritual being watching over us. But do I believe you have to say 20 prayers a day to visit him? Do I believe his benevolence is based on a tit-for-tat system? In a word, no. Actually I’m not sure what I believe. All I know is that reading B the Bible stories from a book I read as a child turned my stomach after a few nights so I stopped completely. My parents have started to take him to church and that’s fine, but you can bet if he comes home talking about sin and guilt, we’re going to have some to make a choice. I, like you, want him to have the community and I think the very liberal, inclusive Episcopal church is a good place for him to find it. And we live in a very, very religious part of the country so it’s hard to avoid. That said, I’m really struggling with deciding what to do about this issue.
I don’t think we’re lacking ANY community – not at all. between their school and their extra-curricular activities, and the very small-town nature of our still urban town, we have a great community. It’s the EXTRA of a congregation that I was referring to. Their friends who are involved religiously – whether it’s a synagogue or a “we think everyone is wonderful” church – have everything they have, PLUS something else.
But those friends do not outnumber the ones who, like us, lack a religious affiliation. It was only being in the center of the congregation at the Bat Mitzvah that made me think our friends have something we don’t …
Something I don’t necessarily want, but something to ponder.
J is in the Girl Scouts, starting this year. E is still incredibly involved with acting, and wants for nothing else. Ulness there was a Philosophy Society. She would want that …are there groups of middle school kids anywhere who sit around pondering reality?
I grew up Jewish in the community that you now live in (I’m pretty sure). The thing I notice (and that seems to distinguish Jews in my mind), is that Jews tend not to believe in the religious dogma at all. Maybe it’s something about reading all the prayers in hebrew, not English – it is very easy to gloss over the meaning of what they are saying, and focus on the beauty of the songs and the feeling of community. (And metaphorical, not literal, takes on the meanings of the stories). That’s one reason I am only comfortable in conservative synagogues, where the service is in Hebrew – in English, it suddenly feels so *religious*.
My friend and I were talking the other day about how there need to be “athiesm carols” to sing at school holiday concerts. It’s one thing to say “we embrace all faiths” and have chanukah songs and christmas songs and kwanzaa songs and everything, but the athiest kids are left out. We need some ditties about how there is no god and no jesus, etc, to make the athiest kids comfortable. (Of course I am mostly joking – I can’t really imagine athiesm carols in practice, but it’s a funny idea to imagine a classful of kids singing “there is no god” to the tune of jingle bells.)
I was raised Unitarian Universalist (yes, both names together are one faith, though some churches remain just one of the faiths). One of my parents was raised Congregationalist (and didn’t believe in it), the other was raised nothing. Our religious education was NOT “oh, everyone’s right! let’s celebrate all the right-ness!” — it was exploring the different faiths to see what the major religions in the world believed. It was really about teaching respect for all faiths by probing deeper into faiths to understand and appreciate why people believe what they believe, and understanding the role of spirituality in people’s lives, in whatever form.
I never felt like I had to believe any of those various faiths, or that the UU faith was a confusing mash-up of them… I just believed that I belonged to a community of people who respected the major religions. Services often borrowed from different faiths, and picked out the universal truths in them. I also always felt encouraged to explore what I believed, and never felt I had to accept any one tenet of anything. I just felt I had to respect other people’s religion, and that I shouldn’t judge a religion untill I had learned where it came from.
Now I’m in my late twenties. I don’t really go to church, but I’ve never felt that I’ve had to. I do believe, however, that when I have kids, I will try to return to the UU church, if only to give them a framework to learn about world religions. Because I do believe in learning to respect religion. And I do believe the UU church (at least the one I grew up in) did a good job of teaching me to do that.
aet – thanks for your comment. that was a very nice explanation of the Unitarian Universalist church, and makes it actually appealing. Especially for the kids. I’ll have Beloved read your comment, too. Because he’s been thinking of arranging for us to do what you’ve explained, but on our own. To explore the different services and traditions as a family mission.
Maybe you should explore the church of the flying spaghetti monster 😉 http://www.venganza.org/
I don’t know whether there’s something similar in Boston, but there’s a Freethinkers Society in Philadelphia that is, as far as I know (which, I grant, is not very far), an association of/for secular humanist types. (I would think about investigating further if I were not already far busier than I’d like to be.)
Are you sure that she was 13 years old? Girls are supposed to celebrate it at 12.
Well if I was Jewish it sure would make the holidays easier because then nobody would have any shopping to do. Well, except for the 5 December birthdays in my family. I like your idea of the solstice and hand-making gifts. It is so awful that after spending a day giving thanks for what we’re grateful for so many people run out the next day to shop for things that they don’t need.
I love being a Jew, and as a former Episcopalian, I don’t think it’s *anything* like Christianity. It’s more of an outlook on life and a way to conduct yourself rather than a belief system. (Sure, we do prayers and stuff sometimes, but you don’t even need to believe in god or go to synagogue to be a good Jew – and this is coming from my rabbi.) And yes, the community-culture aspect is awesome. Anytime you meet a Jew, you meet a member of your extended family. Next thing you know they’re inviting you to dinner or helping you out with something. The intimacy of it all is really amazing.
Ick. I hate the exclusivity of religion. Sure, religion creates community but also creates barriers to a larger community. I hated learning from my Sunday school teacher when I was 7 years old that those who were not Christian would not be accepted into heaven. And I hated learning from my young Jewish friends at the age of 12 that I was not to play with them anymore because their parents did not like that I was not Jewish. And I hated going to my friend’s Catholic service only to learn that I would not get into heaven because I was not Catholic! Some “communities”….
Hello there, Happy Fool’s Day!
The first Jewish President calls his mother in Queens and invites her for Chanukah.
“I’d like to,” she says, “but it’s so much trouble… First, I have to get a cab to the airport, and I hate waiting on Queens Boulevard…”
“Mom! I’m President of the United States! I’ll send Air Force One!”
“Yes, but when we land I’ll still have to carry my luggage through the airport… An try to find a cab… And you know what holiday crowds are like…”
“Mom! I’ll have a helicopter pick you up! You’ll go straight from the plane to my front lawn!”
“I don’t know… I’d still need a hotel room. And hotels are so expensive and they’re not like they used to be…”
“Ma! You’ll stay at the White House!”
“Well…” She thinks. “I guess. O.K.” she sighs, “I’ll come… for you.”
That afternoon, she’s talking on the phone with one of her friends. “What’s new?” The friend asks.
“I’m visiting my son for Chanukah.”
“The doctor?”
“No… the other one.”
Happy April Fool’s Day!
If you find a church where people can talk about how bogus all the religions are, please let me know. That’s all I talk about. Maybe we could have our own church over the phone. I suppose I could just write about it on my website and/or forum (I own a pagan site, but I’m really more of an atheist these days). And whatever church I go to, it has to be one that doesn’t start at 11:00am. Why would ANYONE want to get up so early on a weekend? I’d like to try the Unitarian Church, but it’s 30 miles away and starts way too early for me to ever arrive on time.
I was googling “I wish I was Jewish” when I found your page. After watching South Park last night and seeing Kyle’s Jewish cousin who was a stereotypical Jew, I realized that I act like a stereotypical Jew – intellectual, complaining, and having way too much information about things storming around in my brain. They have a good sense of humor, usually self-depreciating, just like me. It’s difficult for me to deal with the regular hillbillies that live in my area (in Tennessee). I wish I could be friends with smarter, funnier people that like to complain like I do. I feel like such an asshole when I’m around my man-friend and my sister, both of whom are perfect and never complain about anything. Makes me look like a heel since I’m always complaining and saying negative things. I realize I am stereotyping Jews, but being from TN all I know about them are the stereotypes and I figure they are probably true on some level or they wouldn’t have become stereotypes.
People say that it’s wrong to stereotype, but most of us do it anyway. You may stereotype Southerners as being mostly ignorant and uneducated, and in my opinion, you would be right. Sure, there are a few, like me, who love to read and learn new things and don’t follow the conservative Christian herd, but that’s really quite rare in these parts. Most of the people here are ignorant Christians who have never bothered to question the lies that have been taught to them. They are pretty much exactly as you imagine them to be, and they do talk in a redneck way, but that’s only the poor and middle-class people I suppose. The upper classes speak well, though usually with a Southern accent.
Anyway, I wish I was Jewish. I would fit in with them much better. But I could never join their religion because it’s just as ignorant as all the other religions. Bible stories are fables and nothing more.
I didn’t notice where you mentioned the Winter Solstice, but that’s what I celebrate too (being half-pagan and all, whatever that means, lol.) Even though I can’t believe in Greek and Roman gods and goddesses anymore than I can believe in Christian, Jewish, or Muslim gods, I prefer the pagan religion over all the others because it’s Earth-centered and it teaches pagans to care for our planet and all the living plants and creatures on it. That’s something that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam have neglected to do, as far as I’m aware. Christians believe that God is going to return and repair all the damage humans have done to the Earth and turn it into a paradise for them to occupy for 1000 years, but they are wrong of course. The only thing that will happen is that humans will go extinct because we have destroyed the Earth that we live on. Christians need to realize that that’s just a made-up story and they need to start protecting the Earth instead of believing that God will miraculously fix it. Duuuuuuh.
I wish I was Jewish! I don’t know why, but I’ve always been obsessed with being Jewish. Something about the culture and the people and their traditions is just so awesome to me. I’m not really part of any religion and I consider myself to be atheist, but if I were to convert to any sort of religion, I would definitely choose Judaism. I apparently don’t have any Jewish roots in my family, sadly. But funny enough, most of the people in my class assumed I was Jewish because of my name and my looks. I guess I just want to be part of a group of people or belief or something, but I’m really interested in learning about Judaism. Anyway, I WISH I WAS A JEW !!!
Young called the Eagles a” dream team,” We’ve had a lot of information. In the next screen please pick the correct option if you plan to download and is compatible to all the clients which are connectedto the server whose online backup services are created on a regular basis. You won’t have
to buy a license from Symantec. Fast forward a few years time, you will be.
Perform practice fire drills with the whole of a district or borough.
Fire Procedures equipments are the equipments used to
fight the fire. A recent incident at my home prompted me to remind all of you about the
steps you need to protect your assets. D have for entering the private residence The meeting ended with the Graham family still filled with questions, the lawyer said.
An example of this.