We had a nice morning. I went to see the house (man, does that thing need to be ripped down and built from scratch), and then the bank, to move things around to cover our security deposit and first month’s rent, and then to both girls’ basketball games where I got my day’s fill of socializing.
But when we got home, J was instantly antsy. She wanted to go somewhere with a friend. But I am going out tonight, and didn’t want to go out morning afternoon and evening. I’m not that kind of person. But she was unhappy with me. She was irritable, and quick to cry. Which isn’t so typical.
I went to find out what was wrong, and the floodgates opened.
I have known that she’s been having trouble with her BFF this year. It’s been pretty bad. J shared in the past that feels like she “gets in trouble” when she plays with other friends, and that she spends most of her time this year worrying that BFF is mad at her, and not knowing what to expect when she walks through the door of the school.
Today she shared a lot more of mean behavior. MEAN, I tell you. BFF has been gathering troops against J and whenever J even looks at her in a way she doesn’t like, BFF instructs all the others not to speak to J for the rest of the day. They often don’t listen, but J is afraid of the day they do.
She told me of several days where they go out to recess, and BFF ignores J, so J goes and plays with other kids. At the end of recess, BFF will come up to J and say “you failed.” And J says, “what do you mean?” BFF answers, “You didn’t play with me, so you failed.” J inquires further, and BFF says, “It was a test to see if you would come play with me, and you FAILED.” And then spends the day ignoring J.
It’s really horrid, some of the stories.
I am at a wee bit of a loss as to how to counsel J. Because when BFF ignores her, she tells everyone ELSE to ignore J, and they’re scared that if they don’t do what BFF says, she’ll be mean to them, too, so they all listen.
But just until BFF is out of earshot. Then they run over to J and play.
So I am of course telling J she needs to stand up to this girl (who I have really always adored — but yet, I always knew she had this in her. I just never saw it happening). But I know that at the same time, I’m telling J to deal with being on the outs for a little while.
We happen to have a parent/teacher conference on Tuesday, and I’m thinking of asking for some intervention. They right now share a “desk cluster” with each other and 2 other girls. J feels that she can’t address this when she’s sitting on top of the child every day. I’m thinking of asking for her teacher to move her desk.
But first, I may talk to BFF’s mom. Since we’re supposedly friends. I am trying to think of the right tact to take. I think it has to be about J’s feelings only – and not accusations about BFF’s behavior. At least at first.
It all sucks.
Wow! That is some queen bee behavior.
Good luck.
Ugh. Mean Girls.
I was just saying to a friend today (and we’re 27) that “I hate girls.”
Oh no, poor J. Hope it all works out. 😦
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