A friend and I were driving around today with the kids in the backseat when a message came along from a co-worker: Free tickets to see High School Musical (The play, not the movie) – any takers?
I whispered “No!”
Friend said, “come on!”
I said, “No!”
Kids were up until then oblivious.
I think to myself: Why? Why “no”?
Well, I told myself, it’s raining out. You’re going on a business trip tomorrow. You have a lot of errands to run. It’s really windy out. It’s an annoying show.
And I look at the kids in the backseat, being so good and patient as we drive in the rotten weather to a store which holds, really, nothing for them. And I think,
but it’s raining out.
Friend says, “come on, Zuska! They’re free!” I look again at the kids.
“Why do you keep looking at me?” E asks.
I say (stupid), “Do you want to go see High School Musical today?”
Of course, the answer is yes. Of course.
So we reply to the announcement.
And the tickets are ours.
But I’m tiiiiiiiiiiired.
I marvel sometimes, at how stodgy I can be. I have a set plan in my mind, and I have a hard time breaking awy from it. Why is that? Why am I like that?
I was explaining myself to my work friend the other day, and she said it’s because I am a “J.” She said she is a “P,”* and does not suffer from the rigidity of the mind that I suffer with (which is why she knew that I was coaxable, I believe).
I told her that I have realized that being a rigid “J” (If this, in fact, where my hatred of change comes from) is not a positive thing, and I have tried to manage this “fault” of mine. Rather than instantly say “no” to things, I have learned to say, “I need some time to process this, can I call you back in 5 minutes?” I can now be honest about what I’m feeling, and tell people, “This is throwing me off, let me think.”
Which I think is a good thing. An improvement.
But tonight, even after thinking things through and realizing my reasons were just excuses, and just the old familiar clinging to the Plans As Written … I still don’t really want to go.
It’s cold outside.
It’s wet outside.
* I am typically an ESTJ. Sometimes, depending on how the tests are worded, I come out as an ISTJ. I think that I am more of the ESTJ than the ISTJ … but I am a borderline introvert-extrovert. The problem is that I’m not comfortable with people I do not know. If I know people, I’m very comfortable and extroverted, no matter how many people are in the room.
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